"Shut It Down" Liu Liu Ling by Integrity Toys
- Wendy Dandridge
- Oct 21, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 21
October 21, 2024
This is Liu Liu Ling's first time sticking her head above the parapet since 2017, i.e. no one's used her sculpt since then. She looks so damn much like an elf to me; all she needs is the pointy ears and the outfit and I'd stick her on my shelf. Just for the sake of honesty I never did the elf on the shelf routine with my kids, it just came out of nowhere as a fad and all of a sudden everyone was acting as though it was a cherished tradition. I just did what my parents did: when my kids were bad, I'd point to the nearest window and say "Oh no an elf! I hope he's not running back to Santa with a report on you buddy!". That worked until about age 6. Why are we talking about Santa? Oh yes! Elves! I tried to read and watch all I could about this doll's debut, and I heard no one compare her to an elf. Not one person. I can't account for this. It rocks my mind. But let's leave that inexplicable fact aside.
Liu Liu is cute. Her outfit is crazy. She looks like a hooligan high school dropout who would smack you in the face with her skateboard for a cigarette. And getting her out of her box has reminded me that I need to reorder my red cat's eye diamond studded glasses with my new eyeglass prescription. You have to really search for them when you're shopping online but you can find them if you know where to look.
The story that follows Liu Liu and her co-horts in the last offering of Tulabelle True, which used to be known as "The Industry" which may have formerly been "The Farm" which might have previously been "The Rock Quarry" which could have once been "The Dinosaur Range". I was reading up on Tulabelle, the main doll in this line, and it seems like IT has brought her brand forward a few times with rather lackluster results before. And Liu Liu as I said has not been around since 2017 when she made an appearance for "The Industry" and had baby pink hair.
I don't know what the issue with these crazy kids could be but maybe it's that they're more believable as a group of troubled teens than as a fashion company? Another thing I noticed is Liu Liu seems to be a grown woman, but Tulabelle just has breast buds, like she is a developing young girl. So why does she own and run a fashion brand? I could buy them as the incorrigible young models that just won't stay out of trouble at her grandmother's fashion brand, like they work for Poppy in 2024. But these kids look more likely to have 7 different kinds of strawberry vape pen among them than to be doing any kind of empire running.
Alright but accepting the premise, let's move on to how little Liu made me feel. One of the first feelings when setting her up for display; I had a "cross-body bag" the last 3 years of college and it was such a delight, having your hands-free guys while still enjoying the functionality of a purse - oh boy! Those were some good purse years. I tried to continue using the bag after college, but it was just too big for everyday life, ya know. I mean I wasn't carrying around books and my laptop on the daily anymore. Anyway, I've gotten quite off the subject of LIU LIU's bag, which is a "cross-body bag" (that's in quotes to acknowledge the little melody in my head which goes with it). I love CBB and it's decorated with bright red (brain reads: exciting!) logos and random words! This bag is cool and different, it's something you wouldn't see on most of IT's other dolls because they are supposed to be adults who work in the fashion industry. But you would see it on the arm of a shoplifting hooligan teenager, just sayin'.
Another accessory that they have given this stone cold badass little executive is a friggin' wallet chain! I haven't seen one of these since the 90's and I just want to dispel any and all rumors that there may be about these for once and for all: With the exception of a very few famous musicians or athletes, and perhaps some deadly-frightening hard core criminals, for virtually all of us in the 90's (but dudes, you know when you're being spoken to, right?) if you were wearing one of these, you were not pulling it off. I'm sorry if this is the first time you've heard, I'm sorry if no one has had the courage to tell you before. It didn't make you look tough, no one ever believed for one second that you needed it or that it ever came into play in any way. I know. I was there. I never saw one that looked cool. No, not even if you were goth, not even if you were punk, not if you were metal, definitely not if you were country, it doesn't matter who you were or are. I'm sorry. But Liu Liu has one and it's kind of fun and shiny, if you don't think about its awful fashion history and about that one guy you know that still wears one still wears one still wears one...
Liu Liu sports a salty seawater "bore o' the brine" nail color on her grasping hands which looks way too white bread for this wallet chain, multi-braceleted, crazy cross body bag wearing juvenile delinquent who would probably have black or dead body blue like even I used to wear.
And the other manicure is a candy sort of red like her lips, not blood red like a corrupt youth. One thing I really like about the two dolls I bought from this line - Tullabelle and Liu Liu, is the teeny tiny grain of the corduroy in their clothes. It makes the eye just accept everything that much easier. Imagine if her pants were in a regular common corduroy scale, it would be a different doll. It would be elf on the shelf time.
Here you can see Liu Liu's virtuous profile, which I'm sure her little parents have in black and white relief on the stairwell in their dysfunctional little house in sad poor little yourtownnamehere, which they bought back before the local coal mine shut down and Liu's da lost his job. Oh snap I better stop talking about Liu's baggage! You can't see my Liu Liu but
Mother of Mary reader! That was spooky! I'm not sure how that happened but erm... anyways her profile! She's got the big enamel slab red earrings, and those things are cool because I haven't seen them before (don't think they're new though). But then behind her ear she has a tiny ponytail of hair just to keep the style in place. Boy, I guess that's all you have to do when you have straight hair isn't it. Wow.
And there is a giant issue that we must address before we go any further.
There. There's the hat. Are you happy? I put in a picture of her with the hat. Now I'm humiliated, the doll's humiliated, the whole offering has been dragged to hell. Why on God's earth did they give her this abomination of a hat and then make it too small to fit on her head??? That's right, the disgrace that you see above was only accomplished with PINS!!! The hat is not made for Liu Liu Ling! She can't fit it over her noggin! I have seen the beautiful K-Pop girl who was the inspiration, and no it is not fair to compare Liu to that girl. For one thing that girl is wearing a white spaghetti strap tank top, and I know for sure from my days of being that age and 130 lbs that if you're at the party wearing one of those you've automatically got the approval of everyone in the room, they barely even notice if you're also wearing a giant idiotic bright red Cossack's hat from the 1800's. Just take my word for it.
Another one of the best things about this doll is her sneakers! They are really cute and of course they've got really long black laces or it would be impossible to tie them. It's still almost impossible. Pretty much it's totally impossible. But I do so love the little sneakers! No one wears heels constantly, do they? Look at what happened to poor Prince with his platform shoes all the time! The heel lifestyle can be dangerous.
IT does sneakers well, they should serve them up more often says I, the lover of the casual. Well, at least in this context of a band of young hooligans. I mean a respectable fashion company run by adults... Sigh...
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